Breed Out the Ugly Challenge – Chapter 7: Merry Grossmas!

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Hello, and welcome, as always, to the Gross family’s humble home. When we last left off, Milton had aged up into a strapping young buck with a prominent beak.

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And those goddamn sideburns.

His birthday party was a success (with a gold score this time!), and now things have settled back down. The kids head off to school the next day, and the next twenty-four hours pass pretty uneventfully.
The next day, Wednesday, is about the same. Until after school, when Kaiden’s noodly-headed self comes home to play that typing game he’s so fond of. And then it happens – He beats his record and gets a high score! Which means he’s finally completed his Rambunctious Scamp aspiration.

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Seriously, it’s about time.

Noodles decides to copy his more successful brother, Vincenzo, and determines that his next goal is to be a Social Butterfly. Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it.
Kaiden’s belated success isn’t the only thing the Gross family has to celebrate. Turns out today is Melody’s birthday! I honestly had no idea, and it looks like no one else did, either. Melody arrives home (in a rather villainous looking outfit, I might add) to find that absolutely no birthday preparations have been made. Melody acts out to get their attention…
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…By setting the freaking llama game on fire.

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Look at that face. That is a face of a woman who gives no fucks whatsoever.

Melody laughs maniacally as her children’s beloved game is reduced to a pile of ash.

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She really sells it in this outfit.

Her shrieks of laughter wake up Slim, who wanders in to kindly ask his mom to shut the fuck up.
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But upon seeing the flames on the table, he panics. Melody decides that her reckless prank has gone on long enough, and whips out her trusty fire extinguisher to put out the blaze.
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Suffice it to say that the kids got the hint. Tense from the fire, and terrified of their mom’s vengeful pyromania, they get to work decorating the house for a party. Iris bakes a cake and works on the kitchen.

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While Kaiden strikes some dumbass pose in the living room.

But hey, why stop there? Friday was Christmas, after all. Why not make this a Christmas party, too? So while Iris decorates the kitchen, Milton decorates the yard with as many garish Christmas decorations as the family can afford.

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Yeah, they’re that family.

Not content yet with her family’s attempt to apologize for forgetting her birthday, Melody forces them to don festive outfits.

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She is finally satisfied once she sees the look of pure resentment on Milt’s face.

Having successfully humiliated her offspring, Melody is feeling ready to celebrate! Time to blow out those candles.
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The party was largely uneventful, so sorry, I didn’t take any pictures. The same thing happened where the goal to have three Sims playing games wouldn’t fulfill. So honestly, I just got pissed and ended the party at silver level. Yaaaaaay.

Melody did manage to get everyone in the same place and facing the same direction long enough to take a family Christmas photo. Sort of.

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Iris just had to stand in front to show off her sweater, with the unintended consequence of blocking her brothers.

Even though the party was lackluster, one good thing did come from it – Slim and Noodles became Best Friends Forever.

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AWWWWWW.

That’s all I’ve got for you tonight! It’s a shorter entry than usual, since I’ve been busy with holiday stuff. Tune in next time for the twins’ birthday! I don’t know about you, but I cannot wait to see how they turn out.

Breed Out the Ugly Challenge – Chapter 6: Milton Ages Up!

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Hello, hello! Guys, wow. Holy shit. So, I feel like I need to say something before I get started with today’s chapter.

I started writing this blog in July just for fun, as kind of a journal for my Sims challenges. I didn’t expect anyone to actually read this except for me and my boyfriend. So, imagine my surprise yesterday evening when I received a text from him telling me to check the Sims Subreddit page. Unbeknownst to me (thanks, hon >_<), he made a post linking to this blog earlier today.

I went from getting literally zero views per day to over three thousand in just a few hours. Today, I’m about to hit 10,000! I don’t know if that’s considered a lot of views by Internet Fame standards, but holy shit guys, I feel like a rockstar. In addition to a substantial spike in views on this blog, his Reddit post received some very nice comments about how funny his girlfriend is, and now you guys are commenting on my blog posts, too. So, thanks, everyone! You guys are awesome.
…But I’m still probably not going to update regularly. 😉

All right, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to business (to defeat… the Huns).

…I’m sorry.

Psssssych, no I’m not.

Anyway, it’s time for another chapter of the Gross family saga. Last time, we saw Iris blossom into a  beautiful young woman.
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Since Iris’s new trait is Romantic and her new aspiration is Serial Romantic, she can’t wait to start testing the waters with dating. So she invites her dear friend, Dandre over, to see if he’s more than just a friend. You may remember Dandre from Chapter 5, in which he aged up and his true nature as a hipster witchbro was revealed.
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Eager to wish his friend a happy birthday, Dandre accepts the invitation and comes over for a rousing game of Don’t Wake the Llama.

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More like an arousing game of Don’t Wake the Llama, am I right? 😉

Dandre is obviously interested, so Iris works up the nerve to ask him on a date. The playroom isn’t the most romantic location for a date, so they head to Windenburg to try out that new coffee shop that just opened up. Away from the prying eyes of her family (but still surrounded by the numerous prying eyes of total strangers), Iris feels emboldened. She makes her move on the loveseat, utilizing the classic Yawn ‘n Grab® tactic.

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Have you ever seen a more perfect couple?

The move works like a charm. Iris is a natural at this flirting stuff! Pretty soon the young lovebirds are officially Boyfriend/Girlfriend. They even share their very first kiss, all the while being glared at by this cranky blonde lady.

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Cranky Blonde Lady looks like she needs to get woohoo’d, bigtime.

But it’s not just CBL who’s put off by Iris and Dandre’s public displays of affection. Pretty much everyone in the coffee shop is giving them sideways glances. Even Mortimer Goth can’t help but stare.
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But they don’t care. They’re young, and they’re in love. They don’t expect these tightass adults to understand. No one in the entire history of Simanity has been as in love as these two are right now, right here, in this coffee shop.
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But it’s getting late, so the date has to come to an end. The two share a final embrace under the full moon before parting ways. Their hearts ache at the very notion that this embrace could ever end, but eventually they manage tear themselves away from one another and head home.
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But not long after Iris gets home, Dandre comes knocking at the front door. He wants a second date. Iris accepts, but she’s exhausted, so she opts to stay home for this one.

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Melody likes that idea. It’s easier to keep an eye on her at home. But as soon as she leaves for work… Okay, I swear I did not tell them to do this. This happened completely autonomously when I was occupied with my cat for a minute. I looked up, and they were already headed for Melody’s bed with the “mess around” interaction queued up. Seriously? Well, I’m not one to block such romantic exchanges. Have at it, kids.

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Just… So many things wrong with this.

Needless to say, that date got a gold score.

The next day is Sunday, and the family uses their free time to work on the skills needed to complete their aspirations. Slim is hard at work at his junior chemistry set.

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No doubt perfecting his formula for his blue and yellow purple pills.

Our two Rambunctious Scamps are swimming laps in the pool.

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Note that Kaiden’s nose is so long, his sunglasses sit about three inches away from his face.

Iris is practicing in the mirror to build up her charisma skill.

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Also, check out her sweet new bed. Now maybe she won’t have to use her mom’s.

And Melody’s busy trolling the internet as hard as she can.
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Slim takes a break from sciencing to get some fresh air. And who should walk past his house but none other than Bella Goth? Since Slim is, if you remember, smooth as fuck, he decides to chat her up. He’s too young right now, but who knows? Maybe if he’s really lucky, she’ll be a cougar when he grows up.

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Honestly though, who’s really going to be just strolling around town dressed like that on a Sunday afternoon?

Later that evening, Iris gets a call from her old childhood frienemy, Olivia “Too Many Names” Spencer-Kim-Lewis. Remember her?

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And also Turtleshirt! What ever happened to that kid?

Well, Olivia just found out about some crazy party that’s supposed to be going on tonight at the club and is inviting as many people as she can. Iris decides to put her old rivalry with Olivia aside to check it out.

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In the skimpiest, most skin-tight dress she can find, naturally.

Okay, this club is way cooler than that one she played hooky at with Dandre as a kid. For one thing, the DJ is like, a cyborg, or something.

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A cyborg who looks to have tested some of whatever Slim was cooking up on his chemistry set earlier today.

Iris gathers everyone to perform some kind of impromptu, impossibly choreographed dance routine, because she felt like her life just didn’t have enough teen movie cliches in it.
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But wait… Who’s that cute guy with the sideburns? No, not him, the other guy with the sideburns. I TOLD YOU THEY ALL HAVE THOSE FREAKING SIDEBURNS. 😡

…’Kay. I’m cool. No, I’m fine, really. The sideburns are just a trigger for me, is all. I’ll be okay.

So anyway, it turns out our flat-topped, mutton-chopped dreamboat is actually Turtleshirt all grown up! Also, he has a real name. Who knew? Puberty’s been good to Nawwaf, and Iris can’t help but find him attractive. So she spends the rest of the evening catching up with him. What Dandre doesn’t know can’t hurt him, right?

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“So, are you still into punching bears?”

Nawwaf and Iris are really hitting it off, so they sneak away from the party early to check out the old ruins nearby.
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The ruins are eerily beautiful (or beautifully eerie?), and Iris thinks this is the perfect opportunity to make her move on Nawwaf. But Nawwaf is suddenly turns cold and rejects all of Iris’s advances, and then leaves. Iris goes home embarrassed and disappointed. Bummer.

The next morning, Vincenzo is busy at his chemistry set as usual, when… Eureka! He’s reached mental skill level 10. This means he’s also completed the Whiz Kid aspiration! His new aspiration will be Social Butterfly, which seems pretty fitting for Slim, honestly.

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Slim appears blissfully unconcerned about the serious risk for chemical burns on his torso.

The kids head off to school, and Melody’s got the day off. What to do with this rare bit of free time? Skinny dip, obviously. But when she gets out of the pool…

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I’m not even going to ask what she’s doing.

It’s getting late in the day, and the kids will be home from school soon. And, holy crap, it turns out it’s Milton’s birthday! Time for Melody to cover her shame and bake a cake.

Milton arrives home from school and seems almost as surprised as Melody that it’s his birthday. Or maybe he’s just super stoked about the hamburger cake Melody baked for him.

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Hon, if you’re reading this, I really want a hamburger cake for my next birthday.

No one seems to be into this party at all, except for Iris, who’s clearly hopped up on purple pills.
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So let’s see if Milton fared any better than Iris…

…..

Honestly, he doesn’t look too bad at first glance, apart from the nose. His face turned out pretty normal, otherwise. He does, of course have those fucking sideburns, but that will be easy enough to fix with a trip to the mirror to change his appearance.

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Oh my god, though, that nose. It’s like a beak!

So, here he is with a change of clothes… Um. What the hell happened with his body? This is nothing like Melody’s shape. It’s got to be some leftover genetics from the random uggo “parents” I created in CAS to spawn Melody from. I think one of them had a really narrow waist.

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He looks like if Barbie’s impossible proportions were applied to a Ken doll. Also he looks like he’s about to piss himself, because he is.

Oh, I almost forgot. Milton’s new trait is Snob, which is disappointing, because snobs don’t really do anything exciting. But his aspiration is Serial Romantic, just like his big sis! Now we’ll have two teenage horndogs running amok all over town.

Oh, and in case anyone’s wondering how I determine a kid’s aspiration and traits, when aging up, I use the Sims 4 Legacy Challenge Random Trait Generator. I use it for almost every sim, even when I’m not playing a challenge. I just love the idea of the parents’ traits being passed down, with that little bit of random chance thrown into the mix to keep things interesting.

Well, guys, it’s time for this chapter to come to a close. Thanks as always for reading, and again, thanks to everyone who’s had such nice things to say about my blog over the last twenty four hours. And to my stupid boyfriend for sharing it on Reddit even though I explicitly forbade him from doing so multiple times. Love you, babe. 😉

I’ll leave you with this breathtaking photo of Milton eating his birthday cake.

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Majestic, isn’t he?

Happy simming!

Breed Out the Ugly Challenge – Chapter 5: Growing Up

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Welcome back, guys! GUYS. This is an exciting chapter, because I recently bought the Get Together expansion! I haven’t played it much yet, so I’m looking forward to seeing all the new features. Now, let’s get on with the chapter.

It’s been a while since our last visit with the Gross family. In the previous chapter, they went camping. It was going well at first, but then Milton almost set the whole forest ablaze.

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Pants literally on fire.

Luckily, Melody was able to extinguish the flames before they spread too much. Later, she found a haunted tower, and threw a kickass Halloween party!
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But all good things must come to an end, and now the family is back home, the kids are nestled snugly in their beds…

A rare shot of the kids actually looking peaceful.

A rare shot of the kids actually looking peaceful.

And Melody is back to taking care of the babies. But not for long… Turns out it’s their birthday! Take one last look at them as babies…
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Because it’s time to age them up! Vincenzo is a few seconds older, so he’ll go first. Ummm…. Wow.

Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'...

Dear Slim,
I wrote you, but you still ain’t callin’…

Okay, remember when Vincenzo was a baby?

Smooth AF.

Smooth AF.

It’s hard to tell in this lighting, but somehow his skin tone has turned several shades lighter?

And his outfit has gotten several shades weirder.

And his outfit has gotten several shades weirder.

Mysterious skin tone changes aside, Vincenzo is by far the most normal looking child Melody’s had so far. He’s definitely beat Iris and Milton in the rankings for heirdom. Unless Kaiden turns out looking even more normal than him, Vinnie’s got a fair shot.

Vincenzo, or Slim, as I’ve just now decided will be his nickname, rolled the Whiz Kid aspiration just like his big brother Milton. And he rolled the Mean trait. Wonderful!

Now let’s see if Kaiden will usurp the throne from his brother…

LMAO!!!

LMAO!!!

…O-kay, so Slim wins the crown! Kaiden looks like a mutant Justin Timberlake, circa 1999.

Image courtesy of Bustle.com.

Image courtesy of Bustle.com. On a side note, I never imagined that, as a grown adult, I would spend upwards of 15 minutes scouring Google image search for the perfect J.T. gif to post on my blog. I might need to reevaluate some of my life choices.

Wow. Okay. So, Kaiden’s aspiration is Rambunctious Scamp, and he rolled the Geek trait. At least he’s not mean or angry! Just… His hair looks like macaroni and cheese.

In this game, it looks more like mac and cheese than an actual plate of mac and cheese does.

In this game, it looks more like mac and cheese than an actual plate of mac and cheese does.

The next day, the kids head off to school, except for Iris, who takes a vacation day. Which, FYI, is not how school actually works, but whatever. Iris has only four days left before she becomes a teen, so she needs to work on completing her Artistic Prodigy aspiration. Plus, she’s already an A student, so missing a day of school won’t hurt.

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But while she’s hard at work furiously gluing macaroni and glitter onto construction paper, Iris receives a call from her friend, Dandre. He’s playing hooky, and wants to know if she’ll accompany him to that new nightclub that just opened up in Windenburg. How can she say no? So it’s off to Windenburg they go.

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“Cool hat, bruh.”

Unfortunately, Melody was in the back yard taking a swim when she noticed Iris sneaking out the back door. So she’s followed the little rapscallions to the club to keep an eye on them. In her bathing suit.

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Totally inconspicuous. You’ll blend right in, Mel.

Iris and Dandre head inside and, it being the middle of a weekday, find the club almost completely empty. They have the dance floor all to themselves! Time to bust some sick moves.

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Not pictured: Sick moves.

Tired of dancing, Dandre wanders off to discover a closet, which obviously must be investigated immediately.
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…This goes on for a while. But unbeknownst to Dandre, Melody’s right around the corner to witness his antics. She casually sips a drink at the bar and waits for him to emerge.12-12-15_4-39-18 PM

When he finally gets bored with his closet shenanigans, Dandre meets back up with Iris on the dance floor. Melody nonchalantly walks over to join them and starts dancing.

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This has got to be breaking the club’s dress code.

BUSTED. Dandre looks up to find Melody, clad only in a bikini, jiggling and gyrating in front of him. His reaction is about what you’d expect.

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Can’t… unsee…

The kids are mortified, and their fun day playing hooky at the club is ruined. Defeated, they sulk out the door and head back home. But Melody’s not done partying yet. Still buzzed from her drink, and feeling mischievous, she heads upstairs to the bathroom to clog the sink.

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Oh god, the tramp stamp! D:

But she’s not satisfied with just one act of mild vandalism. She does, after all, need to clog three drains in order to fulfill one of her Chief of Mischief aspiration goals. Still pumped, Melody puts on some clothes (thank goodness) and heads to the fanciest place in Windenburg, the Von Haunt Estate.
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The estate is huge and impressive, and the house itself is beautifully preserved. Most of the rooms are roped off, but the public has access to the bathrooms. Melody waits until the coast is clear, and then heads in to sabotage the sink.

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Gosh, Melody, you sure know how to party!

Back home, Iris gets a call from a member of a local gang club, the Renegades. They must have heard about her rebelliously ditching school today, because they want to make her a member! She accepts, and meets them at the entrance the indoor pool… But honestly? Nothing’s really happening.

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Pictured: The Renegades, standing around. Rebelliously.

Iris pranks a couple of old people and swims around, but quickly gets bored and goes home. Maybe this club will be more exciting when she’s a teen and has a bit more freedom.

The next day, Iris takes another day off from school. Having squandered her free time yesterday out gallivanting around Windenburg, she’s determined to use today to build up her creativity skill. She spends all day playing the violin, until she finally maxes out her creativity skill. Success! Iris has completed the Artistic Prodigy aspiration, and will now build creative skills faster when she grows up.
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You may have noticed the new playroom in the above picture. You may have also noticed that the playroom appears to be underwater. That’s because I built a basement! And the basement connects with the pool! Yesssss.

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Gentleman… BEHOLD!

It’s pretty bare right now, but features a playroom, a bedroom for the boys, and what will eventually be a second bathroom. What used to be the kids’ room upstairs, is now Iris’s very own room. Since she’s almost a teen, she’ll need the privacy. The gloomy decor will, of course, remain intact.
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Well hey, it looks like Iris isn’t the only overachiever in the family. Milton has just maxed out his mental skill, and completed the Whiz Kid aspiration! He’s still got a while before growing up, so his new aspiration will be Rambunctious Scamp.
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Ummm. So, this just happened. Dandre followed Iris home from school today, and he happened to age up in the middle of a solo chess game. And now he looks like this.

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I smell future boyfriend material!

On a side note, my game can’t seem to handle custom facial hair. Every single boy in my game ages up to a teen with these sideburns. Every. Single. One. It’s happened before with different facial hair, and I have deleted it thinking that particular CC was just broken, but nope. It seems to happen with whatever custom facial hair is in the first slot. And since I’m too lazy to go into Create-a-Sim to remove it, every male Sim in my game lives out the rest of his life with these sideburns. It’s like Hipster City up in here. Everyone looks like the bassist for a shitty stoner metal band.

…Right, so, returning to our regularly scheduled life simulation now.

Have I mentioned yet that Vincenzo is already making straight A’s in school? Despite his rough exterior, he’s actually a model student. He does his homework on his own without being prompted, even extra credit. On an unrelated note, he still looks smooth as fuck.

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Chicka-chicka Slim Shady!

Meanwhile, the family’s other boy genius does his homework on the grimy kitchen floor, in his swim trunks. Which normally I would think was weird, but this is Milton we’re talking about, after all.

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I mean… There are chairs right there. Just sayin’…

Also? I’m just going to come right out and say it. The twins are weird. Here’s Slimcenzo doing sit-ups in a puddle of water in the bathroom…

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I really hope that’s from the shower, and not the toilet…

And then we have Kaiden.
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Kaiden is lagging behind in school, compared to his siblings. He’s a Rambunctious Scamp, so he spends most of his time either practicing typing or swimming to get his Motor skill up. And even that’s happening slowly. He takes longer than the other kids to get through his homework, and he seems to need to sleep more often. Basically, Kaiden sucks.

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Also his hair is noodles.

In other news, Melody has arrived home to announce that she’s been promoted to Minor Crimelord! She now makes §32 an hour, which is more than I will ever make in my life. Maybe I should quit my job and get into crime…
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The next day, everyone arrives home from school with some kind of plague. Kaiden’s feeling itchy, although you’d never guess it from his dopey stoner grin. Vincenzo’s head feels like it’s about to explode from the pressure, so he is understandably tense.

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He looks like he wants to slap the shit out of his brother.

Milt is not only nauseous, he’s also sad, for whatever reason. And poor Iris is feeling so dizzy, she’s seeing stars buzzing around her head. Oh, and Iris is also sad. But that’s normal for her.
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Little does she know, her mom has prepared a surprise birthday party for her while she was at school! She even used her gourmet cooking skill to bake her black birthday cake.

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“Thanks mom! It’s almost as black as the inner depths of my soul.”

The family gathers in the kitchen to celebrate. Everyone is super excited, except for Milton, who seems miffed about all the confetti his brother just shot at him.

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Iris’s face is apparently stuck like this.

So here’s the moment of truth. Iris looks pretty strange as a kid, sure. She’s blue, for one thing. And she’s definitely got something weird going on with her face. But I wouldn’t call her a monster or anything. Will she retain her quirky cuteness as a teen?

….

……

………Nope!

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IT’S ALIIIIIIIVE!

Oh, god. Wow. WOW. She is damn near identical to Melody. The ears, the cheeks, and of course, that nose. I would almost say her nose is worse than Melody’s.

Iris’s new teen trait is Romantic. And her aspiration? Serial Romantic. YES. This is so exciting. This is exactly what I was hoping she’d roll. She’s going to be so much fun.

After cake, the party games commence. The party score hovers just below gold, with only one goal left – to play a game with the birthday Sim. Guys, I’m here to tell you that this goal is broken. Melody and Iris tried all manner of games, to no avail. They tried chess twice. They even bought a new Don’t Wake the Llama game. Which, as far as I can tell, is just Jenga with a llamacorn on top. Still nothing. Iris’s birthday party ended with a silver score.

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#partyfail

Since she’s a promiscuous, gloomy teen, it’s time to ditch the trucker hat and start dressing to show her true nature. After about an hour of primping in the bathroom, Iris emerges anew, like a slutty goth butterfly breaking out of its cocoon.

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Oh good, she even inherited Melody’s perma-preg belly!

I rather like Iris’s new look, to be honest. Takes me back to my high school days. Wait, no, I don’t want to go back there. Forget I said that. Anyway, she looks better than she did in that bright yellow trucker hat.

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And her eyeliner is on fleek.

Well, this seems like a good stopping point for now. As always, thanks for reading! More to come soon!*

*”Soon” is is a loose term. Use of the word “soon” is not meant to imply or guarantee that the next chapter will be posted any time within the next month.