Breed Out the Ugly Challenge – Chapter 9: Slut Club


Hello, and welcome to another chapter of the Gross family Breed Out the Ugly Challenge. I have to admit, I’ve been slacking on this challenge lately (is it possible to slack on video games?). This is partly because I’ve been sick intermittently throughout the past month, and partly because… I’ve been cheating on the Grosses with other families! 😮 A lot of time and work goes into playing and writing a chapter, and sometimes I just want to relax with some free play in another neighborhood. But now I’m back, and eager to see where the twins’ newfound independence takes them.

So, where did we leave off? Ah, yes. After Melody manufactured some drama with a couple of old flames…

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(And elicited a whole host of indignant facial expressions from Travis)

…The twins grew into striking young men. Well, Kaiden is striking in his own special way.01-02-16_2-17-20 PM

A few days have passed, and the boys have settled quite comfortably into the hustle and bustle of high school, homework, and after school jobs. Nothing too exciting to report for those first few days. Kaiden spent a fair chunk of his free time standing in front of the TV like an asshole.

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“Kaiden, are you fucking serious?”

But Melody has finally had enough of Kaiden’s douchery. More importantly, she’s also recently maxed out her mischief skill and earned a new mischief interaction as a reward. Eager to try out this new prank, she calls him into the living room under the pretense of having something to tell him. She draws him in close…
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And then BLASTS him in the face with an air horn.
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Kaiden, now even more dazed and confused than he normally is, reacts pretty much how you might expect.

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Mom, what the fuck?!”

Even Iris is having trouble recovering from the blast.

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Or is possibly confused as to why, after a recent patch, her cereal is now extra spicy. One or the other.

Speaking of Melody and her mischief skill, I should mention that she’s completed the Chief of Mischief aspiration! She now has the skills to annoy her family and spurned lovers for a lifetime. I randomized a new aspiration for her, so now she wants to be a Master Mixologist. Now she can be annoying and drunk! I’m still going to see her through the criminal career, just because I have grown to love Mobster Melody. But if she makes it to the top, I might have her switch gears to become a mixologist in the future.

So let’s see, we’ve checked in with Kaiden, Melody, and to a lesser extent, Iris. And, let’s be honest, Milton never does anything interesting, so I’m not even going to bother with him. But what about Vincenzo? What’s he up to lately?

Up to no good, it seems. He’s gone down to the ruins to burn shit.

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God, what is it with this family and fire?

He thought he was alone, but out of nowhere, here comes some weird chick with green star makeup all over her face, asking “What the hell are you doing?”  …Busted.

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Slim has definitely inherited his father’s facial expressions.

Slim starts sputtering out some excuse, but Starface just laughs, and says she’s just kidding. She introduces herself as Elsa, and confesses that she’s a huge pyromaniac, too! After that, the two towheaded youths instantly hit it off. Pretty soon they find themselves snuggled up by the fire (for warmth, of course 😉 ).

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Slim wants to see more of Elsa, so he asks for her phone number. After she turns him down a couple of times (and I scramble to do freaking damage control on their relationship score), she changes her tune and gives him her number.

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NOTE TO BOYS: This is not how women actually work. If you keep asking for her number, and she keeps saying no, stop asking. You will not come off as persistent, you will come off as creepy. In real life, there is no unseen puppet-master pulling strings to affect the outcome of your social interactions for the sake of the story. No means no, bro. Accept your place in the friend zone. Also stop calling it the friend zone, that’s probably half the reason why girls don’t like you.

Slim figures, while he’s at it, he might as well ask her to be his girlfriend. Surprisingly, after rejecting his request for digits multiple times, she is totally fine and dandy with the idea of a committed relationship. She and Slim even share their first kiss!

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That… is a weird stance to kiss someone in.

Later, and back at home, it’s Iris’s birthday! How the time flies. Since it’s 3:00 a.m., and because Iris cannot bear even one more day of high school, she opts to skip the party. She blows out her candles unceremoniously, alone in the kitchen while her family watches TV in the next room.

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Really, what a fitting birthday celebration for a goth kid.

With Iris aging up, it’s time to roll her third and final trait. And it’s… Childish? Ugh. Another sim who constantly wants to buy toys and watch the Kids Network. Now that she’s an adult, Iris will have to abandon her before-school barista job in favor of a full time, adult job. Back in the day when I was a goth girl, I carried a journal almost everywhere. So we’ll give Iris a job as a writer. Now she can make money writing depressing poetry!

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She looks thrilled, doesn’t she?

Later, in the evening, Iris’s friend Zoey calls her up to announce that it’s ladies’ night at the local pub. Perfect! She can try on her newfound adulthood for size, get her drank on, and maybe get her skank on too.

So Iris calls the first ever meeting of her new club, Slut Club*. So far, Slut Club consists of only Iris and Zoey, but surely their numbers will increase soon.

*I do want to say that normally, I don’t like using the word “slut”. I don’t like condemning a woman for her personal choices – as long as no one’s getting hurt, it’s none of my business what another woman gets up to. In this case, I am using the word playfully and taking advantage of its shock value for comedic effect. I don’t mean for it to be taken as derogatory – more as a vulgar term of endearment.

Right, so with that disclaimer having been made, it’s time for Slut Club to hit the pub. Hey, that rhymed. Watch out Slim, you’ve got competition. Ahem. Anyway, Iris heads to the bar to chat up that beefcake bartender. He seems into it, but his shift’s about to end, so he has to get home.
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So Iris turns into the new bartender who’s come in to relieve the first guy. And it’s…

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Oh my god.

None other than Alexander Goth! He’s grown into a young adult. With everyone’s favorite muttonchops. Guys. I am happy to report that after I shut down the game for this session, I FINALLY FOUND THE FILE AND DELETED THESE SIDEBURNS!!! So take a good look at Alexander’s goofy face, because after this chapter, you won’t see it with this facial hair ever again.

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With those ears, he looks like he could be a Gross himself.

Alexander and Iris hit it off immediately. They continue with their flirtations, all the while racking up club points for Slut Club. Alexander even plants a delicate kiss on Iris’s nose.

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Though, I think he was aiming for her lips. It’s just that her nose is so hard to avoid.

Things are getting pretty hot and heavy. They look for a more private place to share their affections. This nearby closet will do. Alex pins Iris up against the door in a passionate kiss.

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He looks around quickly, then pulls her into the closet.

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Still ew.

And there, in the closet of a shitty pub, Iris has her very first woohoo with  muttonchopped, big-eared Alexander Goth.

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Oh god.

And then shit gets weird. Here comes Bella Goth, strolling by the closet, while her son has his first woohoo on the other side of the doors.

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Seriously, this is awkward.

And then she stops to watch. And gets all hot and bothered.

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Once Bella has heard enough, she wanders off. And then this chick takes her place. She’s at least polite enough to wave hello.

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“Why, hello there? Havin’ a little woohoo, are you?”

This woman, whose name is Eliana, I guess, actually stays for the finale.

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Aw, they made a heart… dust cloud? What is that, even? Steam? This seems physically improbable.

So, I think their creepy voyeurism alone qualifies these two freaky ladies for Slut Club. Welcome to the club, girls!

After their love session is finished, Alexander peeks out cautiously.
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Looks like the coast is clear. His mom’s over across the room talking to Zoey. As far as Al knows, she’ll be none the wiser. Oh, if only he knew the extent of how wrong he is.

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And how fucking creepy his mom is.

Alexander comes swaggering out of the closet, while Iris stumbles out behind him.
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And I mean, she’s really stumbling. I don’t know what went on in that closet, but she can barely walk.

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This seriously just keeps getting more and more disturbing.

Having come down now from the elation of his first woohoo, Alexander is faced with the reality of what he’s just done. His face drops into an expression of pensive horror.

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This is the face of a man who has made a terrible mistake.

Just kidding! He’s cool.

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Sooo. That just happened. All of that happened. Satisfied with her first night as an adult, Iris bids Alexander farewell for now, and calls an end to the inaugural meeting of Slut Club. She heads home in the early hours of the morning and proceeds to sleep through the da – OH FUCK, WHAT IS THAT?!

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No, your eyes have not deceived you. That is, in fact… A Tragic Clown painting.

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But seriously, why?

Yup, EA/Maxis brought back the legendary painting to celebrate the sixteenth anniversary of the Sims (Jeezus has it been that long?!). Although it doesn’t fit Iris’s spooky decor, she just couldn’t resist. The painting makes her so, so sad, and nothing provides inspiration for gothy poetry like self-indulgent despair.

But wait… Guess what else they brought back? Three words:




You seriously have no idea how happy I was when I read about it in the patch notes. I just sat here grinning, eyes wide, mouth agape, for like, a full minute.

Now, I should fess up that I started writing this chapter almost a month ago. So, earlier when I randomized Melody’s aspiration, the grilled cheese aspiration patch had not been released yet. I’m really not feeling the Master Mixologist aspiration for Melody, so I’m going to break my rule of randomizing to determine aspirations, just this once.

But hold on, before Melody can change her aspiration, she’s got to do some prep work. To prove her devotion to grilled cheese, she has to eat three grilled cheese sandwiches in a row. She begins diligently cooking at once.
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And so begins Melody’s journey into grilled cheese mania. Here’s sandwich number one.

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Time for seconds!

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“Hot damn, I sure do love me some grilled cheese.”

And finally, sandwich number three.

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“Okay, I seriously might vomit if you make me eat any more of these.”

Success! Melody chokes down the last sandwich just in time to change her aspiration and dash off to work.

Speaking of work, the next day, Slim comes home with a promotion! He’s now a backhoe operator – pretty cool for someone who’s still in high school!

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Plus, he looks adorable in his work clothes.

A little later, a grown-up Wolfgang Munch shows up at the front door, and from the look of him, he’s feeling amorous.

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It is a little-known fact that a marked increase in libido is actually a side effect of excessive eyeshadow application.

Iris can’t turn down free romance, especially when it comes begging at her door like this. So she invites him in to canoodle on the couch.

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They could at least wait until Kaiden leaves the room, though.

But Iris and her bleach-blond bad boy are put off by Kaiden’s presence (which, to be fair, is not a feeling that’s limited exclusively to makeout time), so they head out to the hot tub for more privacy.

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“Surely no one will see us out here… with no privacy fence, and several houses and a high-traffic footpath only a scant few yards away.”

Feeling extra sexy in her chainmail bathing suit (and… sunhat?), Iris makes her move.

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“Oh, also, we’re in full view of my mom’s room.”

As is common with the Gross women’s gentleman callers, Wolfgang keeps occasionally taking breaks from the action to sit silently with a thousand-yard stare…

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Or maybe he just realized that people can totally see what he’s doing, because  of course they can, you’re woohooing right out in the open.

But despite his anxiety, Wolfgang manages to finish the deed, sending a suspiciously heart-shaped geyser several feet into the air in what is easily the most blatant sexual innuendo ever included in a Sims game so far.

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Hot tub woohoo is dirty.

Wolfy reverts back to staring blankly, contemplating his life choices, as Iris does… whatever the hell she’s doing under the water.

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Not even going to ask.

When she finally comes up for air, it looks like maybe Wolfgang’s not the only one experiencing regret.

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Maybe you wouldn’t feel so bad if you weren’t five feet away from your mom’s bedroom window.

Iris will just have to suck it up and get over it. No time for regrets right now, because…
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It’s Milton’s birthday! Guys, remember Milton? He still exists! And now it’s his birthday! Isn’t that exciting?!

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No, not really.

But the family still manages to fake some enthusiasm anyway. Except for Slim. Slim’s in bed, giving zero fucks.

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Luckily, Iris gives enough fucks to cover everyone.

Now that Milt is a young adult, he’s gained his final trait: Ambitious. And since he’s so ambitious, he doesn’t waste any time finding a job in the business career track. He’s so excited, he changes into his suit and tie autonomously, right there in front of the cake.

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And in front of his mom and sister, who probably could have gone without seeing him changing clothes in the kitchen.

With Milton grown up, it’s probably time for him to move out of the room he shares with his brothers. In fact, Slim and Kaiden could use rooms of their own, too. So the house has undergone some last-minute renovations. Here’s a view of the outside:

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Looking extra shitty, because I do not comprehend roof placement.

And here’s the ground floor. Melody has moved into the new bedroom, and Milton gets Melody’s old room.

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Now he’ll have a front row seat to his sister’s hot tub debauchery.

And here’s the basement, with Slim’s room on the left, Kaiden’s room on the right, and a weird, long bathroom in between.

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Look, I never tried to claim that I was good at building. Or decorating.

Well, this has been quite an eventful chapter! Melody finished her mischief aspiration and developed a newfound appreciation for bread and cheese, Slim got his first girlfriend and got promoted, Iris aged up and had her first woohoo and her first hot tub woohoo, and Milton aged up. Oh, and Kaiden?

Okay, Kaiden mostly just did a lot of swimming. He still has no love life and works at a shitty fast food restaurant, but at least he’s fucking ripped.

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This may actually be the most disturbing image in the entire chapter.

What might we expect in the next chapter? Will Melody make strides in her grilled cheese aspiration? Will Iris continue to whore it up all over town? Will Kaiden or Milton ever actually do anything interesting? Tune in next time to find out!

…Hopefully in less than a month this time!

Thanks for reading (and waiting so patiently between chapters), and happy simming!