Hello, and welcome to the first chapter of what I’m almost certain will be the most infuriating challenge I have ever attempted. If you haven’t already, you can check out the Introduction post to read all the details. This chapter might read a little differently than you’re used to – I’m going to start off with a bit of backstory, some of which I don’t actually have pictures for because I came up with this more than a year after I started playing this Sim. So without further ado…
Here’s the story…
Of a lovely lady…
…Who was bringing up seven fucking babies what the fuck.
Listed in order from left to right, we have Blaze, Rosie, Lila, Alyse, Lucia, Rochelle, and Adrian. Each baby was named, of course, by selecting the first name provided by the in-game randomizer, which is why her son is named fucking Blaze. And of course, their mother, Ember Rojo, also named by the randomizer, which is how you get a redhead named Ember whose last name literally means “red”. I didn’t pick this cheesy name on purpose, guys, I promise.
Not pictured above: Ember’s scumbag ex-fiance, Randall Testaverde.
Randall seemed perfect at first. He was handsome, well-dressed, and romantic. He took her to fancy restaurants, paid for lavish vacations… She wondered sometimes how he could afford it. His tiny house certainly wasn’t an accurate reflection of his lifestyle. But he said he had a good job as a regional manager at Dewey, Cheatam, & Howe. She figured it must pay well.
Ember wasn’t keen on trying to get pregnant before they were even married, but Randall said he wanted to be a father – said he wanted a son to carry on his legacy, and couldn’t wait to start trying. But she was having trouble conceiving. What’s a family-oriented Sim to do? She found a doctor who was willing to let her try an experimental fertility treatment – and it worked!.
She found out she was indeed pregnant – with septuplets. She called Randall hoping to tell him the good news, but suddenly, he was nowhere to be found. At first she thought, maybe he’s on another last minute business trip, and didn’t think anything of it.
But after a week when he hadn’t returned or even called, she was getting worried. She went to his house to try and find some sign of his whereabouts. Instead, she found gadgets, night vision goggles, weapons, and a closet full of expensive tuxes. He had been lying this whole time. He wasn’t a regional manager, he was a goddamned secret agent! Tucked back on a shelf behind a row of James Bond tuxes, she found a box full of mementos – from the other women he’d been woohooing behind her back!
Ember was furious. She called and left a message saying she still wasn’t pregnant, that she wanted to try again. And hey, what do you know, suddenly he was back in town! But when she answered the door, he knew immediately that he’d made a mistake.
She told him what she’d found. He was shocked. He tried to deny it, but she wasn’t having it.
So next he turned on the waterworks, spewing out crocodile tears and “I’m so sorrys.”
When that didn’t work, he dropped the act, finally revealing himself as the sociopath he’d been all along. His face went cold, with a look of malice she had never seen before.
She told him to leave. Out on the front porch, he suddenly turned apologetic again. He pleaded for her to give him another chance. He could change!
Finally, he grew enraged. He screamed obscenities and lunged toward Ember, but stopped just short of hitting her. To this day, she believes that the only thing that kept him from attacking her was the fact that the neighbors could see.
After that stunt, she was done. She slammed the door and locked it behind her, leaving him slumped and defeated on the porch. It was the last time she ever saw or spoke to him.
Hoooo! I did not know I was going to write such a dramatic backstory when I started this chapter. Or that I am apparently so cool with breaking the fourth wall so casually. Aaaaanyway.
Fast forward nine months (how time flies, it really only felt like three days!), and Ember’s got herself a whole room fulla babies. She starts off her day by breastfeeding each one, starting with Adrian. The game finds this obscene enough to censor, because she’s obviously being such a SLUT.
Ember obviously can’t afford daycare for seven infants, so she’s unable to work. Currently, she has almost $3,500, which is certainly enough for one adult to live on for a while. But with seven kids, it won’t last long. So she uses what little spare time she has to work on her paintings, which she sells for extra cash.
Did I neglect to mention that she also has the insane trait? So sometimes she just kind of… does… this.
Her painting time doesn’t last long today. A really fun side effect of feeding every baby at the same time, is that they all poop at the same time. And also, sometimes they just poop whenever.
After she goes down the line changing all seven diapers, Adrian starts crying for food again. And then Rochelle, and then Lucia… As soon as Ember starts feeding one baby, the next one starts crying. Eventually, she can’t keep up and has multiple babies crying at once. This cycle repeats multiple times throughout the day.
Finally, they’ve all stopped crying for a while. At 8:40 p.m., Ember has enough time to enjoy half a grilled cheese sandwich while watching the World Culture Network. She looks shellshocked.
Aaaaand, Rosie’s crying again.
She’s tried everything, and somehow, making this face is the only thing that will console her.
At 11:00, after putting Rosie back to bed and changing Alyse’s diaper, Ember can be found in the shower. Crying.
Oh haaaaaale no. Ain’t nobody got time for your bullshit tonight, Vlad. I swear, this guy is at every Sim’s door, every night, in every save file I have. Fuck this guy.
An hour later, he’s still at it. Give it a rest, dude.
Ember finally manages to go to bed and get some shut-eye. But she’s fallen into such a deep sleep, she doesn’t wake up when not one but three of her babies are crying.
So I’ve swapped the full size wall joining the bedrooms for a half wall, and replaced the door with an archway. Hopefully now she’ll hear it from her bed? I don’t know if the game actually works that way.
Sure, Ember, stop mid-feeding cycle to do this bullshit with a question mark over your head, that’s totally what I wanted you to do right now! How are you route-failing? There’s nothing in your way. The room is literally a straight line of babies.
Meanwhile, outside Ember’s House… Something has gone terribly glitchy in my game, and is causing all of the expansion pack characters to wear different clothes than their original defaults.
What is the damn problem with Rosie?? I swear this kid has colic or something. She cries more often than any other baby.
Welp. Confirmed that the half wall and arch don’t work. Adrian’s in here wailing away and Ember’s still sawing logs in the next room over.
Sorry Ember, but you’ve lost your wall privileges.
Okay, fuck it, no wall. She is still sleeping through the crying.
Now Adrian’s the problem child. He won’t stop crying even though he’s been freshly changed and fed. Plus, Rochelle has a dirty diaper, and Alyse is crying for reasons unknown as well. I don’t even know how many days into this we are anymore, they just blend together because Ember is constantly tending to the babies. I think it’s almost their birthday…
It just won’t end today. Now we have Blaze, Lila, Alyse, and Rochelle crying simultaneously. All fed, all changed, all screaming. It’s like a nightmare.
It’s been four hours now of nonstop crying, feeding, changing, and silly-face-making. Rosie will NOT. STOP. CRYING. Ember is losing it. Her hunger meter is in the yellow and her fun is in the red. The only glimmer of hope is the notification that today is Blaze’s birthday – meaning that the other six notifications will follow within the next twenty-four hours, and we can finally age these little assholes up.
Finally, finally(!), they all stop crying long enough for Ember to sit down in front of the TV with a grilled cheese sandwich. It’s after 6:00 pm, and this is the first thing she’s eaten all day.
But her quiet dinner doesn’t last long. She flinches as Alyse and Rochelle both start crying in stereo.
Oh thank god. Ember has reached parenting skill level 6. She’s finally gained the ability to see what her babies need. And we’ve gotten three more birthday notifications. Only four to go and we can finally age these screaming poop factories up.
Ember’s fun level is in the yellow again, and her energy is in the red. And those last three birthday notifications have yet to come. She’s at the end of her rope.
Even with no wall to separate her from the babies’ room, Ember still fucking sleeps through the crying! I give up.
Now that Ember can check to see why her babies are crying, it turns out they’re all low on socialization. Despite the constant feeding, changing, rocking, and silly faces. What a bunch of needy babies! But on the plus side, I just got the notification for Lucia and Rochelle’s birthday. Only Adrian is left! And then finally, sweet, sweet freedom.
Ember is now close to hitting rock bottom. It’s 5:46 in the morning, her fun is extremely low, her hygiene is low enough that she’s emitting stink clouds, and she’s about to pass out. Dear god, let Adrian’s birthday notification come soon.
Oh my god. SWEET BABY JAYZUS, THANK YOU.
So I hate to leave you all on a cliffhanger buuuut… That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I hope you liked the first chapter of this new challenge. I’m having a lot of fun with it so far, when I’m not cursing and tearing my hair out. Tune in next time to see what kind of toddlers these assholes grow up to be. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait!
Thanks as always for reading, and until next time, happy Simming!