Breed Out the Ugly Challenge: Chapter 13 – Dr. Crazyeyes


Hello, and welcome back to the Breed Out the Ugly Challenge! Last chapter was fairly eventful.  We joined Slim and Elsa at their wedding…
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And Iris had a healthy baby girl named Skye.

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I for one am very impressed with the effort Iris put into her makeup immediately after giving birth.

Speaking of which, let’s check in on the new mom, shall we? Iris has returned to her dim, gloomy tudor house in Windenburg. She’s adjusting to parenthood, albeit a bit reluctantly.

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I love how Skye looks up at Iris so adoringly, and Iris just looks like… “Ugh.”

But the more time she spends at home, the more she feels like something just isn’t quite right. While her house is suitably dark and dreary on the inside, she’s always found Windenburg a but too… cheerful. And definitely way, way too sunny.

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So… bright… Must… go back inside…

She had thought that as old as the town is, it would be spookier. Maybe some ghosts here and there. But other than the Von Haunt Estate, and the occasional ghost night at the pub, the town is less Are You Afraid of the Dark, and more Leave it to Beaver. This is no place to start a goth family!* So Iris goes to Gregslist to find a more suitable place.

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*Not to be confused with the Goth family.

Success! She’s found a lovely little fixer-upper in Forgotten Hollow. She’s always wanted to visit the area. She’s even heard rumors that there are real, live undead vampires there! This will be the ideal place to do some extensive research for that smutty vampire novel she wants to write. Iris takes the plunge and buys the house, sight unseen. It looks decent enough in the pictures, anyway… So she immediately begins packing and getting ready to move out.

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Confession: I had way too much fun and spent way too much time arranging all this shit. Also, I just realized one of the boxes is floating. Maybe the house is haunted after all?

Packing doesn’t take too long, so she’s ready to move out that same day. She arrives at her new house in the evening. It’s… pretty run-down. Cracks in the walls, barely any grass, and the trees all seem to be dead. An old farmhouse, from the looks of it. Not that you could really grow much here. There doesn’t seem to be enough sunlight….

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Plenty of moonlight, though!

“It’s perfect!”
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You’re damn right it is. In a rare fit of inspiration, I actually built this one. And while it’s simple, I must say I’m pretty proud of how it turned out. And of course I had to give it the Haunted and Vampire Nexus traits.

Anyway, Iris is very happy with her new house, and to celebrate, she’s having the family over for a dinner party. Milton and Slim arrive first and let themselves in while Iris is busy chopping tomatoes for the salad.

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Iris is always the most at peace with a knife in her hand.

Melody, always known for her bold partywear, strolls in wearing her witch costume from Chapter 4. Because of course she would. At least it fits the vibe of the spooky house?

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This is what I get for never changing anyone’s outfits.

Elsa has just waddled in looking pregnant as fuck. Damn, girl.

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She had better not be having fucking twins.

Speaking of pregnant women, here come Kaiden and Jessica. And Jessica is looking very pregnant herself.

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Still shooting Kaiden those fuck-me eyes, though.

Despite their huge, awkward bellies and swollen feet, these girls still know how to party. They are fucking TURNT. This party is LIT. Do kids still say either of those? I’m fucking thirty.

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Krunk? …Hyphy???

Back in the dining room, Iris has called the guests to dinner. Everyone gathers at the table to enjoy a nice hearty… salad. Sorry guys, one of the party goals was to cook a salad. No other food required to get gold at this party. Kind of a shitty dinner party, if you ask me.

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Also? Not enough chairs. 3/10, Would not attend this dinner party again.

Well, well, well, look who’s late to the party! Yuki doesn’t give a fuck. She waltzes right into that kitchen and grabs a leftover salad from the fridge.

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Dig the bunny socks, Yuki. And the godawful pastel yellow skirt that is shaped really weird. I totally dig both of those things.

The party is a success! Iris takes home the gold – and wins a coffee maker and pot rack, which she immediately sells, because she needs simoleons BAD. The only person who doesn’t seem like she’s having a good time is Yuki, who looks like she’s going to start crying into her salad.

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Look, I don’t come to your house and complain about the food.

Yeah, something is definitely wrong here…

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Not that Kaiden can tell. He’s just standing there, grinning like an idiot, as usual.

Yuki drops her salad bowl on the floor and clutches her stomach. Kaiden continues his grinning routine, but to spice things up a little, he also adds posing like a jackass to the mix.
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Yuki is about to double over in pain. She’s clearly in labor, but Kaiden is still oblivious. Either that or he’s so unequipped to deal with this situation, he’s just completely shut down. Pretty sure his eyes have rolled into the back of his head in this picture.

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“Shoot, you dropped your salad! Let me get that for you.”


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WTF is up with her body shape right now tho.

Yuki and Milton rush off to the hospital, and we’ll get to that in a minute, but first… I JUST CAUGHT THESE FUCKERS FLIRTING IN THE BATHROOM. I didn’t get a picture in time, but I caught Kaiden giving Elsa a goddamn rose! And she accepted it! And then flirted back! Kaiden, that is YOUR BROTHER’S WIFE. She is PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD. YOU’RE FUCKING ENGAGED.

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…Okay! So. Moving right past that shitshow… Milton and Yuki have reached the hospital. Milton’s in the background doing the “pre-parental panic” shuffle. Yuki, despite not having actually entered the hospital yet, is somehow already wearing a hospital gown.

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Do you just carry that with you wherever you go?

Aaaand just when you thought this night couldn’t get any more stupid, the doctor shows up in her fucking bra and PJ pants, grinning maniacally at the night sky. I guess this is another side effect of that custom content purge I did before Chapter 12? Still, you’d think the game would have put her back in the default doctor labcoat.

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Yuki’s side-eye is 1,000% warranted.

Wait… I knew I recognized those crazy eyes from somewhere. This is the same psycho doctor that delivered Iris’ baby! Oh, haaaaale no. Not again. This can’t be happening.

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Oh, but it’s happening. It’s happening just like it did last time. Just like it does every time, with the standing, and the staring, and the NOT DELIVERING BABIES.

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But this time we’ve added deranged grinning, at no extra charge!

OH GOOD, NOW THERE’S A GHOST. He just popped into frame as I was taking screenshots. He actually legitimately startled me, which I guess means he’s doing a good job? Of being a ghost, I mean. Not of delivering babies.

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What the fuck even is this hospital.

Finally, after like, half an hour, the doctor jogs into the hospital while Yuki waddles in behind her. She casts a desperate look over her shoulder at Milton, who… I guess has decided to just stay out here?

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I thought maybe once she went inside the hospital, you know, her place of work? The doctor just might put a fucking shirt on. But no. No, that’s not happening. Yuki trails behind her in disbelief.

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That wide-eyed, empty grin has not left her face this whole time. It’s starting to freak me out.

The doctor shoots her a creepy smile as they walk through the double doors to the delivery room. Yuki is in a state of near panic. She has no idea if she or her baby, or shit, even the doctor, will make it out of this unharmed.

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She tries to reason with herself as she climbs into the birthing monstrosity. Dr. Crazyeyes delivered Iris’ baby, and she and the baby turned out fine…
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But as she looks up over the monitor at the doctor’s dead-eyed grin, she finds it hard to reassure herself. Where the fuck is Milton?!

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…At least she’s in a better mood this time?

Well, speak of the devil. He’s finally come running down the hall, as if he’s just now realized how serious this situation is.

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Still doing the panic dance, I see. Cool, cool. Very useful.

When Dr. Crazyeyes sees Milton come stumbling into the room, she finally stops smiling and shoots him this look over the top of the monitor.

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I spoke too soon. There’s that demon-possessed look I remember so fondly.

Milton shoots a look right back.

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He looks like an angry chicken.

And then he resumes panicking, hopping up and down like a toddler on a sugar high.

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Real smooth, Milt. She’s sure to know you mean business now.

Finally, after what seems like hours, Yuki has given birth to a healthy baby girl named Camille.

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Check out that thousand yard stare, though.

Also, I just realized that babies in the Sims four are born with a full set of fucking teeth. That may well be the most disturbing thing we’ve seen here tonight.

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Also, this baby looks high AF.

Wait… Where the fuck is Milton? Oh, hell no. Do not tell me you missed your baby’s birth to watch the Cooking Channel in the goddamn waiting room.

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What is wrong with the men in this family?

Meanwhile, the doctor still hasn’t left her post at the birthing machine. And now that Milton’s out of the room, she’s back to grinning.

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And, if I may remind you, is still not wearing a shirt.

Oh well. I guess if you can’t beat ’em… Join ’em.

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Oh god. Please at least keep your shirt on.

Welllll, that’s the end of this chapter. Mostly because I am thoroughly creeped out by all the grinning. I’m not sure if shit can get much weirder than the events that took place tonight, but then, this is the Sims. So tune in next time, for… whatever nonsense ends up happening. It should be obvious by now that the outcome of each chapter is largely out of my control.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed playing and writing it. Seriously, the absurdity had me laughing out loud more than once. Thanks as always for reading, and until next time, happy Simming!