Hello, and welcome back to the Breed Out the Ugly Challenge! Last chapter was fairly eventful. We joined Slim and Elsa at their wedding…
And Iris had a healthy baby girl named Skye.
Speaking of which, let’s check in on the new mom, shall we? Iris has returned to her dim, gloomy tudor house in Windenburg. She’s adjusting to parenthood, albeit a bit reluctantly.
But the more time she spends at home, the more she feels like something just isn’t quite right. While her house is suitably dark and dreary on the inside, she’s always found Windenburg a but too… cheerful. And definitely way, way too sunny.
She had thought that as old as the town is, it would be spookier. Maybe some ghosts here and there. But other than the Von Haunt Estate, and the occasional ghost night at the pub, the town is less Are You Afraid of the Dark, and more Leave it to Beaver. This is no place to start a goth family!* So Iris goes to Gregslist to find a more suitable place.
Success! She’s found a lovely little fixer-upper in Forgotten Hollow. She’s always wanted to visit the area. She’s even heard rumors that there are real,
live undead vampires there! This will be the ideal place to do some extensive research for that smutty vampire novel she wants to write. Iris takes the plunge and buys the house, sight unseen. It looks decent enough in the pictures, anyway… So she immediately begins packing and getting ready to move out.
Packing doesn’t take too long, so she’s ready to move out that same day. She arrives at her new house in the evening. It’s… pretty run-down. Cracks in the walls, barely any grass, and the trees all seem to be dead. An old farmhouse, from the looks of it. Not that you could really grow much here. There doesn’t seem to be enough sunlight….
You’re damn right it is. In a rare fit of inspiration, I actually built this one. And while it’s simple, I must say I’m pretty proud of how it turned out. And of course I had to give it the Haunted and Vampire Nexus traits.
Anyway, Iris is very happy with her new house, and to celebrate, she’s having the family over for a dinner party. Milton and Slim arrive first and let themselves in while Iris is busy chopping tomatoes for the salad.
Melody, always known for her bold partywear, strolls in wearing her witch costume from Chapter 4. Because of course she would. At least it fits the vibe of the spooky house?
Elsa has just waddled in looking pregnant as fuck. Damn, girl.
Speaking of pregnant women, here come Kaiden and Jessica. And Jessica is looking very pregnant herself.
Despite their huge, awkward bellies and swollen feet, these girls still know how to party. They are fucking TURNT. This party is LIT. Do kids still say either of those? I’m fucking thirty.
Back in the dining room, Iris has called the guests to dinner. Everyone gathers at the table to enjoy a nice hearty… salad. Sorry guys, one of the party goals was to cook a salad. No other food required to get gold at this party. Kind of a shitty dinner party, if you ask me.
Well, well, well, look who’s late to the party! Yuki doesn’t give a fuck. She waltzes right into that kitchen and grabs a leftover salad from the fridge.
The party is a success! Iris takes home the gold – and wins a coffee maker and pot rack, which she immediately sells, because she needs simoleons BAD. The only person who doesn’t seem like she’s having a good time is Yuki, who looks like she’s going to start crying into her salad.
Yeah, something is definitely wrong here…
Yuki drops her salad bowl on the floor and clutches her stomach. Kaiden continues his grinning routine, but to spice things up a little, he also adds posing like a jackass to the mix.
Yuki is about to double over in pain. She’s clearly in labor, but Kaiden is still oblivious. Either that or he’s so unequipped to deal with this situation, he’s just completely shut down. Pretty sure his eyes have rolled into the back of his head in this picture.
“KAIDEN YOU HAT-WEARING DIPSHIT, I DO NOT NEED SALAD, I NEED A FUCKING HOSPITAL.”
Yuki and Milton rush off to the hospital, and we’ll get to that in a minute, but first… I JUST CAUGHT THESE FUCKERS FLIRTING IN THE BATHROOM. I didn’t get a picture in time, but I caught Kaiden giving Elsa a goddamn rose! And she accepted it! And then flirted back! Kaiden, that is YOUR BROTHER’S WIFE. She is PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD. YOU’RE FUCKING ENGAGED.
…Okay! So. Moving right past that shitshow… Milton and Yuki have reached the hospital. Milton’s in the background doing the “pre-parental panic” shuffle. Yuki, despite not having actually entered the hospital yet, is somehow already wearing a hospital gown.
Aaaand just when you thought this night couldn’t get any more stupid, the doctor shows up in her fucking bra and PJ pants, grinning maniacally at the night sky. I guess this is another side effect of that custom content purge I did before Chapter 12? Still, you’d think the game would have put her back in the default doctor labcoat.
Wait… I knew I recognized those crazy eyes from somewhere. This is the same psycho doctor that delivered Iris’ baby! Oh, haaaaale no. Not again. This can’t be happening.
Oh, but it’s happening. It’s happening just like it did last time. Just like it does every time, with the standing, and the staring, and the NOT DELIVERING BABIES.
OH GOOD, NOW THERE’S A GHOST. He just popped into frame as I was taking screenshots. He actually legitimately startled me, which I guess means he’s doing a good job? Of being a ghost, I mean. Not of delivering babies.
Finally, after like, half an hour, the doctor jogs into the hospital while Yuki waddles in behind her. She casts a desperate look over her shoulder at Milton, who… I guess has decided to just stay out here?
I thought maybe once she went inside the hospital, you know, her place of work? The doctor just might put a fucking shirt on. But no. No, that’s not happening. Yuki trails behind her in disbelief.
The doctor shoots her a creepy smile as they walk through the double doors to the delivery room. Yuki is in a state of near panic. She has no idea if she or her baby, or shit, even the doctor, will make it out of this unharmed.
She tries to reason with herself as she climbs into the birthing monstrosity. Dr. Crazyeyes delivered Iris’ baby, and she and the baby turned out fine…
But as she looks up over the monitor at the doctor’s dead-eyed grin, she finds it hard to reassure herself. Where the fuck is Milton?!
Well, speak of the devil. He’s finally come running down the hall, as if he’s just now realized how serious this situation is.
When Dr. Crazyeyes sees Milton come stumbling into the room, she finally stops smiling and shoots him this look over the top of the monitor.
Milton shoots a look right back.
And then he resumes panicking, hopping up and down like a toddler on a sugar high.
Finally, after what seems like hours, Yuki has given birth to a healthy baby girl named Camille.
Also, I just realized that babies in the Sims four are born with a full set of fucking teeth. That may well be the most disturbing thing we’ve seen here tonight.
Wait… Where the fuck is Milton? Oh, hell no. Do not tell me you missed your baby’s birth to watch the Cooking Channel in the goddamn waiting room.
Meanwhile, the doctor still hasn’t left her post at the birthing machine. And now that Milton’s out of the room, she’s back to grinning.
Oh well. I guess if you can’t beat ’em… Join ’em.
Welllll, that’s the end of this chapter. Mostly because I am thoroughly creeped out by all the grinning. I’m not sure if shit can get much weirder than the events that took place tonight, but then, this is the Sims. So tune in next time, for… whatever nonsense ends up happening. It should be obvious by now that the outcome of each chapter is largely out of my control.
I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed playing and writing it. Seriously, the absurdity had me laughing out loud more than once. Thanks as always for reading, and until next time, happy Simming!